By George Keralis

You may remember those middle school and high school days when you walked up to a group of people that suddenly changed the subject when you arrived.  You did not hear what they were talking about, but their furtive glances and nervous movements seem to point to the fact that you were the one they were discussing.  Immediately you feel out of place, awkward and a bit defensive.  You “know” that they were talking about you.  What were they saying? 

While we’d love to leave those days of childhood behind, we cannot.  The same childish games we played as children seem to have followed us into adulthood.  We still talk about one another.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”[1]  Eleanor Roosevelt’s comment ought to bring us some measure of comfort.  However, when we become the subject of a conversation and cannot be there to defend or explain ourselves, we may tend to become a little paranoid.

What is the outcome of talking “about” people? 

When we talk “about” people, usually they become the target of our negative conversations.  Talking “about” people assumes that they are not present to join in the discussion.  Communication between the person talked about and the people doing the talking does not take place.

When these discussions turn negative, the effects become harmful to everyone.  Those doing the talking lower their personal standards of conduct only to heighten the image of themselves.  Defamation of character becomes the unspoken goal of the group.  No one wins in this situation.  Instead of establishing relationships, relationships suffer because of the discussion.

The Apostle Paul chided the Christians in the Galatian churches with these words.  “If you go on hurting each other and tearing each other apart, be careful, or you will completely destroy each other” (Galatians 5:15, NCV).  The literal terms are “biting,” “devouring” and “destroy.” 

What is the solution to gossip?  Go back one verse to Galatians 5:14.  “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (ESV).  How many families, friendships, churches, businesses, organizations and nations face destruction because people talk “about” people rather than talk “with” people.  “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another” (Ephesians 4:25).  How much tension could we relieve in our homes, at school, at our places of employment, in the church and in our government if people would simply speak to others the truth rather than speaking in innuendos?  Would social media be as pervasive and destructive if people checked out facts about politicians, world and religious leaders before pasting fake news?  How much more peace would come to our lives and our world if we prayed rather than talked about people?

As leaders, our responsibility is to talk “with” people, not “about” people.

What other prepositions would you use to describe the way we talk or communicate with others? What ideas or concerns do you have that you would like this blog to address? Drop us a line.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend — Solomon

[1] “Eleanor Roosevelt Quotes.” BrainyQuote.com. BrainyMedia Inc, 2018. 20 November 2018. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/eleanor_roosevelt_385439