In Part 1, I discussed the idea of talking “at” people. In this approach, the speaker really has no regard for interactive communication when talking “at” people. We’re simply talking with no regard for the listener. This type of communication, if you can call it that, tends to bully people into listening to you.

Consider another approach in communication. Here’s talking “to” you.”

Normally, when we use the word “to” to describe our conversation with someone, our sentence takes a form similar to what follows.  “I was talking to Sheila the other day.”  Translated, this means that you were having a conversation with Sheila.  Everyone understands the usage of “talking to” as used in this context.

As leaders, we may tend to talk “to” people.  I am a preacher and a teacher.  When I preach, I tend to talk “to” people.  There is no real opportunity for conversation during a sermon, unless you are like Sammy (not his real name).  Sammy answers all my rhetorical questions during the sermon.  People become annoyed with him, but I am glad that someone is awake, listening, and following my train of thought.

As a teacher, I diligently attempt to include people in dialogue, so that I’m talking “with” people and not “to” people.  However, teachers normally talk “to” people when using the lecture method.  This method of teaching does have its place but should not dominate a teacher’s methodology.  A time for questions and answers ought to follow the lecture method.  Or, the lecture method ought to include intervals that allow students the opportunities to clarify issues or to challenge ideas.  Students need time to interact with the teacher.

We use the technique of talking “to” people when we are giving a subordinate a good dressing down.  No need for conversation; you are the boss and you are talking to the employee.  The employee needs to listen.  You only want two responses from the employee.  Does he understand your point of view?  Will he change his actions to accommodate your point of view?

As parents, we tend to use this technique when we discipline children.  “You just wait until we get home.  You are going to get a good talking to.”  As with the boss, your parental aim is to get your point across with limited dialogue.  You expect a “yes, ma’am” or “no ma’am” when you finish.  Any other discussion is dribble. 

There are instances in the Old Testament where God uses this method when communicating with people.  Genesis 3:14, 15 and 17 illustrates God talking “to” the serpent and to Adam and Eve.  He expected them to listen.  He did not expect a response because He was measuring out discipline.  Speaking through the prophets to Israel, Judah or nations of the world, God says, “Say to …” (Cff Isaiah 6:9; Jeremiah 7:28 as examples).  God is not looking for a discussion.  He wants people to know precisely what He is saying.  Room for feedback does not exist.

When we talk “to” people we may receive feedback from them by noticing their facial or body language.  People may nod in agreement or shake their heads in disagreement.  Some may write things down as we talk “to” them.  However, we have no way of knowing if they are writing in agreement or disagreement with us.  They may be writing their shopping list for Wal-Mart.  As the speaker, I might notice a smile, a smirk, closed eyelids or redness of face, arms crossed over the chest or clenched fists.  Unless the person talks to me and expresses herself, I’m only guessing at her response when I talk “to” her.

When we talk “to” people we may sense that we are “talking to a wall.”  What we are saying does not penetrate the quickly constructed defense barriers in the life of the one in front of us.  At those times, we can choose to continue, or we can choose another method of communication, or we can quit and choose to approach this conversation at another time in another fashion.

There are times and places to talk “to” people.  Use this approach wisely and sparingly.  As a leader, your goal is to build bridges into the lives of those you lead.  Avoid encouraging them to build defensive walls and fences that prevent two-way conversations.