Talking “at” someone and talking “to” someone may prove to be ineffective in building bridges into the lives of people that leaders wish to develop. In this section, allow me to add an adverb to “to.” More deadly than talking “at” someone or talking “to” someone is talking “down to” someone.
A tinge of arrogance slips through her tone of voice. Whether it is her use of rudimentary language to answer your sophomoric question or the momentary scowl on her face before she speaks, you feel inferior or inadequate for asking her to elaborate on her last comment. With her flippant reply, you surmise that she is letting you know that you are not on her level. She may be correct. However, your question demonstrates that you are seeking knowledge. She lets you know that your education and undeveloped thoughts disqualify you from discussing the matter at hand. She is the expert; you are the ignorant novice.
If you have not yet met someone that appears to “look down their nose at you,” be patient. You will meet a person resembling the woman described above at some point in your life. In this scenario, the speaker talks “down to” her audience. She has no relationship with her listeners because she is, in her mind, above them, not with them on their level.
The apostle Paul describes his former life in glowing terms. Circumcised the eighth day as a “pure-blooded citizen of Israel,” he is from the tribe of Benjamin. He is a “real Hebrew.” Religiously and politically, he is a member of the Pharisees. His zeal for keeping the Law leads him to be the foremost persecutor of the church. Without exception, he is faultless before the Law of God (Philippians 3:4-6).
Once Christ took control of his life, Paul changed his mind about himself and others. In changing his mind, he changed his attitudes, actions and speech toward others. Things he thought to be valuable became worthless. He counted everything as garbage. Christ became the top priority in His thinking and living (Philippians 3:7-10).
How did Paul live out this transition in the presence of his fellow disciples? He moved to the level of the people who listened to him. His goal was to influence them for Christ. “Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ” (1 Corinthians 9:19). When among the Jews, he lived like Jews without becoming subject to the law. While spending time with the Gentiles, he lived apart from the law without ignoring the law of God. With those who were weak, he became weak. He tried to find “common ground with everyone” (1 Corinthians 9:20-23).
Should we, as Christian leaders, do anything less than follow the example set by Christ and His apostles? Because we live, act and speak in a community setting, whether that community is our family, church, school, social media or work, we must humble ourselves and consider others as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4). As Christians, we are required to clothe ourselves with humility (Colossians 3:12). God’s gifts are given to leaders so that we might serve others (1 Peter 4:10).
If you want to communicate effectively with others as a leader, then put away your diplomas, forget the letters that follow our name, speak on a level that people will understand and listen carefully to their words and questions.
